i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Went to anytime fitness at 3:34 am drunk after the the bar and getting whataburger. Lifted weights with my cheeseburger between my knees. That's called DEDICATION.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
Dude I had my dad cock block me once
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
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