Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
They had half off shots during the fourth quarter. I was powerless.
I'm making tacos. Give me one good reason why we shouldn't be high while eating those tacos.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
Dick is dick. I’m not turning it down because he’s younger than me. Covid has been a real cockblock and I’m a woman with needs
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