You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Just let me put on a bra and brush the alcohol out of my hair.
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Sober sex is weird like I didn't expect this when I got clean
Randomize