I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
im pretty sure the interns at this hospital have gotten hotter
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
long story short... we may or may not have lost your car.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
