I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
Michelle found a bong in the garbage and sold it to my mom
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Learned my lesson. Pink pantydroppers out of a beer bong=deceiving
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
My vagina just clenched in fear
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
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