i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
I went to the bar saying i wasn't going to drink that much. I forgot sobriety might as well be some mythical creature when you're with Holleey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I swear to go if the response she sends me something along the lines of who the fuck is Mark Hamill I might need to brake up with her.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
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