I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Let me be the 15% helpful, 85% useless as shit angel on your shoulder.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
Dicks are not precious.
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Randomize
