Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Youre a wreck. Youll be in your dorm weeping to project runway covered in pizza sauce and smelling of stale beer
I CAN'T FALL IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS A LISP. I JUST CAN'T.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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