I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
True love: he brought me a margarita while was in the shower. He's a keeper.
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Randomize
