it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
just bought a 30 and sold it for $2 a can to some dumb ass high school kids. now lets buy two and get really drunk
Scott woke me up by cracking a beer open in my face. Best friends are awesome.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
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