I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
There is nothing wrong with wanting a slide attached to your staircase
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
I'm definitely not at Wal-Mart eating jalapeno poppers with an elevated blood alcohol content
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
