ps i may or may not be wearing a sequined bra
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
My gynecologist inadvertently complimented your penis.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
I complimented him on his choice of carpeting while he was humping me.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Randomize
