arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
I just wanna be euthanized
Thas it
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
