Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
I'm still seeing blue. who wrote on my bare nipple?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I would have screamed and cried and bled and shit and then died. Fuck that guy.
I just ran into the married chick you banged 2 years ago at our apt! She asked me if I could get her coke! Memories bro. Memories
It's still to early in our relationship to tell her I was sleeping in my car
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
True I am eskimo brothers with every one of my room mates, but it was only two girls. And 9 outta 10 times I was first
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
well, i found him passed out on a picnic table two miles away with a lit cig in his hand...he had a rough night
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