im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
IM NOT TALKING TO YOU UNTIL YOU MAKE A PROCLAMATION YOU LOVE ME MORE THAN TACOS
May the power of my ass compel you!!
I tried to find an emoji but none convey my excitement for receiving good sex soon
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
We played 2 very competitive games of Jenga and then fucked our brains out... BEST. RELATIONSHIP. EVER.
For the love of god, if any of you are up, bring me pants.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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