it's too hot outside to masturbate.
Holy jesus god. My teeth taste like street.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
