margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
You kept telling that ginger girl, "it's not your fault, it's not your fault, it's not your fault."
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Randomize
