So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
I just febrezed the jizz on my pants and wore them again, gross or eco-friendly?
Eco-friendly.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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