Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
is it bad that i have made the decision to never travel to vienna simply because of that transvestite that won the bachelor?
dont start drinking without me
Found you in the bushes with fireworks, a teacup and no shoes. Decided it was a bad time to wake you.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
When did I go from having sugar daddies to being one? And does it count as a tax write off?
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Randomize