My new storm is the chrons
The only reason I needed a new one is bc I threw up on my other one(248): And since Verizon doesn't have a throw up test, I was eligible for a new one
dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
