The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
You serve our country by fighting in the sandbox, i serve our country by entertaining rich businessmans' daughters. We each do our part.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know what? The sex was so bad that I don't even care that I gave him strep.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
