my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
I realized I used a copy of a biography of JFK as pillow last night...
Happy Fourth.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
Randomize
