Whoa Z and x make the same sound
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Remind me again why sleeping with a coworker and his wife would be a terrible idea.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
