I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
I saved $70 from being to drunk to go out last night so I figured I could buy a new watch.
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
You missed me roundhouse kicking a lit glow stick out of a guy's mouth last night. You would have been proud.
she shotgunned a can of v8, threw the can on the ground and said, "fuck bitches get money" then passed out on the spot
And it was in that moment when I realized that these high schoolers looked up to me and that I should set a good example. So I stole a casserole and left.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
