i was so blacked out at my family party.. my mom gave markers to all my little cousins. i was tagged by 5 year olds.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
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