hdsncx Gizmo asnqw toilet blanasdi
ok, stay where you are, be there soon
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
speaking of festive, i made out with a guy in a leaf pile last night. happy fall?
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
Randomize
