just do him I won't tell jon
um i'm guessing you meant to send this to tina, thanks for the support in our relationship you whore
two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
If I hid at school to avoid the cops, is it fleeing and evading or just being a good student?
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
i am craving dick and cupcakes
Randomize
