Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
She started to tell me how she goes to a shrink, so I started thinking how to sneak out of her place, then she said part of it was for her sex addiction, long story short she's got her clit peirced n I just got laid
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I honestly didn't see the problem playing beer pong In the car on the road trip home.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
I made $130 by ordering two pizzas and charging them $10 a slice. If they weren't so stoned they might have realized they could have just ordered another pizza for $20.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
I just had drunken sex with an eagle scout behind the boy scouts of america building. what has my life come to?!
Randomize
