Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
She gave me a foot massage while her friend rode me. Your gf puked into the oscolating fan. How were our nites alike?
is it weird that I didn't think he was hot last night when I was making out with him but right now I'm Facebook stalking him and think he's really attractive??
your beer goggles are on backwards.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
He brought me four big burritos and two joints! He can sleep with his bank teller any time he wants!
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
