P.S. theres no milk for breakfast, but theres plenty of beer or red wine. you decide.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Well the good news is ill probably have my new boobs by the time he sees me naked
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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