Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
Just gave advice in krystal burger while holding and pointing with a corona to a 3 year old, told her to enjoy her stroller time while it lasts. The mom pushed her away fast.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
i leave for school in 3 days. if you want your annual goodbye blow job you should probably call me
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Randomize
