We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
Sometimes to bang a cougar u gotta play wii With her kids
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
We were making out and truffle butter was playing in the background. I stopped mid make out session and said, "I'm really sorry but I have to rap Nicki's part."
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
