Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
Can someone explain to me why guys are so fascinated w their dicks that they feel like they'll die if they don't send unsolicited dick pics
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
