My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I thought he put a fake swan in my yard, but no, he put a real life swan in my yard
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Randomize
