my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
dude there's no way we're going back in there for your puke shoes
oh come on since when have relationships been boundary lines for us
fair point
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
There is nothing more embarrassing than your birth control alarm going off while in a meeting with your boss and they tell you to take it.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
And he's in a frat. Everyone in a frat is gay. It's science.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
I'm fucking my way through California and it's kind of fun.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
