question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I am become drunk, destroyer of all worlds
Randomize
