all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It's just my hair. It brings natural happiness. Like goldfish, big boobs, and milkshakes.
the parade is in 5 days. put your big boy pants on and come to beer training. time to build your tolerance. i can't have you passing out in a bush with a cape on again this year.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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