I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
Somewhere out there, on several phones belonging to strangers, exists a video of me rapping Baby Got Back on stage in four inch heels that I stole from the drag queen. Also I made out with the chick with the octopus tattoo.
You have the best birthdays
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
at least he now gets to tell people how he once threw a party so epic that the next day they had to clean some girl's body paint off the ceiling
totally just bought a bottle of gin with nothing but change
don't ever let anyone tell you that youre not 100% class
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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