I felt like helen keller
But she could have totally found that shit before me
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My hot female boss's cubical is right next to mine with a wall between us. Do you think it is too forward to make a glory hole in the wall?
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
You mistakenly try to piss in a cactus bush ONE TIME and are forever dubbed cactus ass
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
