I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
Announcement: Given the sad circumstances regarding the death of my dearest friend Chong the Bong, there will be a brief memorial service for him tomorrow evening at 10:30 at my place. After sharing some memories and sending his spirit off to the great bowl in the sky, we will all take place in the commemoration and maiden voyage of his son, Chong Squared, who eagerly waits to meet all of you. High blessings to you all, piece be with you.
It took all the strength I had tto sit at my desk and not tear off my business attire and run screaming from adulthood and flourescent lights.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
Way to fucking accidentally drunk dial me while you're talking to and buying other girls drinks. Don't call me.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
Randomize
