I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
We spent a good 10 minutes in the morning looking for my clothes. I ended up taking the bus home in my 6inch heels and his baggy t-shirt. The bus was filled with kids... one of them whistled at me.
Not drinking has really freed up a lot of my time. I made a bracelet yesterday. I miss bars.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
i feel like i shouldn't just had to send a text that said "no i will not eat your ass"
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
Randomize
