why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
I just found a bag of teeth...
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
With a breakfast like weed and a fun size twix before a dentist appointment you can see exactly how I handle being an adult
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
