i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
woke up in nothing but a glued-on tiger tail. they used super glue.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
No one intentionally makes bad decisions, just errors in judgement. You have your boyfriend I have a restraining order from universal studios. It's all relative
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
if I open my eyes, my head will explode. that hungover.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
He's smoked my weed, stolen my cigarettes, and used my campus cash, but I try to initiate sex and NOWWW he's all "As your RA, that's a line I can't cross"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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