i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
is it bad that upon arriving to my fourth sex toy party the sex toy lady instantly recognizes me?
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Earned the respect of a group of freshman by chugging Das Boot while hanging out a window and lost it shortly after by wrecking a clown bike into them.
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Yeah, but he has adorable dimples and dimples talk me into things.
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
you dont know your limits until you wake up with a black eye and a bruised rib and find out you got ran over by a bicycle last night
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
