is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
People are allowed to visit it's just they can't be from Germany and have to wear masks.
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
bring the vodka.
i thought we were going to mcdonalds..?
we are.
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
My passport was stamped in Canada two weeks ago. One step closer to uncovering wtf happened that night
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
