you're like a bully in the Christmas story
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
i think if i got caught drinking at work i could get away with it if i started crying and saying my cat just died. as long as i'm confident.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
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