i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
he just sent me a dick pic, it highly resembled a cheese stick
He said he didn't want to go down on me so I told him we were going to have an oral stalemate.
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
