So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
i feel like the 7 eleven by your house knows our deepest, darkest secrets
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
