Those balls look pretty dangerous.
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I'm wearing a cape at the laundromat. I really can't say shit
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I don't want to go to sleep. I like partying with myself.
Randomize
