Just threw up at the table during our Father's Day dinner. And I managed to get quite a bit on dad, so that was nice.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Slurping strawberries throug a straw. It feels like the kool-aid man is coming in my mouth.
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I may or may not have puked in the ladies room. Now I get to convince my client to go to substance abuse treatment. Oh, the irony.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
