mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I like the fact that you've for some reason taken my penis into protective custody
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
We got high and watched Winnie the Pooh. Isn't that what every normal person does on their break?
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
21st birthday weekend in Vegas has concluded and all I'm missing is my underwear and 'Contacts' icon on my phone home screen.
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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