how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
My body isnt used to all this fresh air, sun and booze....ok well maybe just the fresh air and sun...its used to the booze.
We got stoned and watched Disney movies all night. I think I'm in love.
Randomize
