She has HUUUUUUUGE nipples
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Randomize
