Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
He's like the houdini of condoms. I never even realized he put one on before we fucked. he's magical.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I accused him of not drinking enough alcohol and eating tacos after midnight. I was sober and he's not a gremlin. I would say bad.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
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