We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he got promoted. that means i have now given my new boss chlaymida. i need a new job.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
