Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
A very small part of me wants you to appreciate me for more than just my breasts. But the rest of me is breasts.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
how the hell were we supposed to out run the cops in a bus?
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
Talking to him sober hurts my brain
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
Thanks for going with me today. It’s been a long time since I bought bra and panties because of a guy
It’s called “shopping for lingerie” and it’s one of the many exciting and sexy things that follow a divorce, along with sexting, sleepovers, and orgasms
But, our next lesson is picking up a younger guys at the bar!
Randomize
