Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
My jaw hurts. Such a slutty injury..
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
Well Im currently dressed up as batman raiding frat houses for booze
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
