So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
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taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
The gym is handing out free condoms this week, motivation to work out this week?
Woke up shivering behind the titty bar, With the worst leg cramps. I'm like a poster boy for responsibility.
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
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He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
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