Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I just saw him carrying his little sister while walking his puppy. And he was shirtless. I swear my ovaries just exploded
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
