We'll see haha. The cum didn't work...I just chewed the whole thing in a day.
I hope you meant gum...
The 30 seconds of sex was almost worth it...I mean he did smoke me out and watched the princess and the frog with me
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
You know when you can feel the alcohol in your toes? That's a great feeling.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
He wouldn't let me ride him with a Ninja Turtles hat on...
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
How long is enough time to schedule homosexual exploration... Like an hour?
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
Randomize
