At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
How I know we're old. Don knows the owner. The owner said 'How about some shots?' We said no thanks. He looked puzzled and came back later and said 'You know it's on the house?' We said 'Yeah, no thanks.'
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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