I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Floor bacon is actually really good
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He has no idea I'm scrolling through Instagram while he's going down on me. I'm so bored.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize