Alls I know is that his gf looked like Beyonce and he looked like Babar
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
The viagra-rita was a sexual success and a furniture failure. He said it was the best cowgirl sex he’s ever had even with the broken couch
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