I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
No. Mother. Fucking. Jello shots. Just no. I'm not falling into that trap again.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Randomize
