It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
We should steal a little kid and go to Chucke Cheese
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
I forgot to lock the bathroom door. He walked in, saw me on the toliet, nodded, and walked back out.
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
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