and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
Glow parties are what I live for
Your priorities in life astound me
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
I might have to quit marching band. It's affecting my drinking schedule
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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