I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
Once you see the odd facial expressions and noises a guy makes while he is furiously beating off on top of you, it kind of puts things into perspective.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
On the one hand, she would be the biggest mistake of my year. On the other hand, she's here and drunk.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
So this bar tattoo not looking that great now
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
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