4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
some guy just pulled a dress out of a fax machine...I have no idea what the hell is going on
I am so getting Plan B when we get home. Not getting knocked up by a dude with a hair piece.
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You know you stopped at a liquor store to prepare for a 12-year-old's birthday party, right?
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
Nvm, he just almost drank his drink from last night, his drink that has the condom in it. Kinda answers my question.
I didn't have toilet paper until 20 minutes ago. But I have champagne. Priorities.
I see your boobs were ready to greet the new year.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
You said, "I'll have this whole island inside of you by 6 AM. Just point out who you want and I'll make it happen."
all i know is that i woke up at 12:00 am in a shower with egg shell in my hair. i am 90% sure you are responsible.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
Randomize
