You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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