If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Do you know how to give stiches?
I do not...this text concerns me
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
You should really look at your snapstory. It has us screaming " MANSION DICK! SUCK IT! FUCK IT!" By the way im currently in a mansion and need you to pick me up
You go to class with the flu but don't go when it rains... Get your shit together
Randomize
