WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm calling it the Friendlationship with Benefits Zone.
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
She's relieving herself in the laundry room. I'm really hoping there's a toilet in there...
It's entirely possible that I'm fucking yet another gay guy
NOT ALL OF US HAVE THE HANDS OF GODDAMN ANGELS YOU KNOW
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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