there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I was stumbling so much, men walking behind us were shouting "don't hit the pole! don't hit the pole!" whenever I was near a telephone pole.
I am so excited I do not know how I will sleep.
It's like the Christmas morning of dicks
Just had empanadas for breakfast while watching Wall-e with my yesterday's one night stand mother AND grandmother.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Don't forget to bring $1s for the strippers. Make it rain!!!!
Thanks, mom, will do
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
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