I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
They are making fun of natty and blackberries.
Tell them they are ugly.
I have tardy slips. and absent slips if you don't show up to the bar. and trust me, if you are absent there will be a saturday school. I'm teaching you how to drink tonight.
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Obviously you're feeling a little sexually frustrated.
I consider humping a stranger every ten minutes when I walk in the street.
Randomize
