I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
His search history includes homemade sex toys and a plunger. I'm scared about what goes on in their place.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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