Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
It's like that thing with the devil and the angel except one shoulder has orgasms and the other has stuffed crust pizza and depression.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
i got a dick pic last night and the mother fucker had a Jesus picture in the background.
Randomize
